


paper hearts

by hanjisungs (parkwoojins)



Series: stray kids oneshots [6]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-15 12:02:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13612971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkwoojins/pseuds/hanjisungs
Summary: our life was cutting through so loud, memories are playing in my dull mind.i hate this part paper hearts, and i’ll hold a piece of yours.





	paper hearts

**Author's Note:**

> yes based off the song paper hearts
> 
> i listened to nothing like us and paper hearts while writing this bc wow i just love making myself sad
> 
> this sucks also its really short unlike my usual oneshots (it was written today so pls,, ignore any typos)
> 
> enjoy!

It's been 3 months since our breakup, and I still wasn't over you. It would take time for my heart to heal, but I hoped you would be fine without me, or rather, I knew you would be happier without me. I could hear Chan hyung shouting into the mic for Jisung and I to get ready to record and the instrumental of the song starting.   
  


 

**_remember the way you made me feel, such young love but, something in me knew that it was real, frozen in my head_ **

 

_ We met when we were only 5, and became best friends instantly. I’d never met anyone that related to me as much as you were able to. And along the way, I fell for you, there was just something about you that everyone loved.  _

_ I knew that even if I had fallen for you just as you had for me, we couldn’t say or do anything about it, because it just wasn’t ‘normal’ for two boys to be in love. But when we finally decided to say something about it, all we got was people telling us that it wouldn’t work out because what we had was just puppy love and it would just never last. _

_ But I knew that what I felt for you wasn’t just puppy love, and we proved everyone wrong when we dated for 10 years. We made it work and showed them that it wasn’t just puppy love, and when we finally broke up, I could hear the mocking voices of all the people who told us it would never work out repeating in my head. _

 

**_pictures i’m living through for now, trying to remember all the good times_ **

 

_ It wasn’t going to be easy for me, to forget about you or the feelings I had for you. Pictures of us were plastered all over my room walls, courtesy of you wanting to have a wall just for our pictures instead of a scrapbook. Polaroids and pictures from our dates, our holidays, pictures of each other, pictures with the whole group, everything reminded me of you. _

_ It hurt looking at all the pictures, remembering all the good times we used to have, it was the calm before the storm. Each picture had a different story and all I could do now was sadly smile and remember all of them, trying to be happy like I was back then with you. _

 

**_our life was cutting through so loud, memories are playing in my dull mind_ **

 

_ We used to spend everyday with each other, sometimes with the rest of the group and sometimes just by ourselves. But when the final year of highschool came, suddenly it wasn’t that easy to spend time with each other everyday. Schoolwork, projects, club activities, it made us too busy to spare time for one another. _

_ Which led to us having arguments over the tiniest things because both of us were just so worked up and stressed over school. The small arguments that were never resolved because we just had no time to resolve, escalated into bigger arguments, which even led us to taking breaks from each other. I regretted them all, I knew you put in effort to try and work things out and I never did and I regretted it all, but it was just too late now. _

 

**_i hate this part paper hearts, and i’ll hold a piece of yours_ **

 

_ Our hearts were fragile, too fragile for my liking. It didn't help that you were my best friend and my first love, now I lost you and I don't think my heart could ever be fixed again. Our hearts felt like they were made out of paper, once the paper is ripped, it can't be fixed no matter how hard you try. _ __  
_  
_ __ This left a big rip in my heart, and I hated myself because I knew it was my fault and that I wouldn't ever be able to fix it. Cover it and try to mask it and turn my hurt into anger, I could, but I would never truly get over you, and I knew that. I could only hope that you were actually fine and not masking your pain behind a smile like you used to do.

_ We used to joke that were each other's other half, each other’s soulmates, and everyone knew nothing could come between us and even we thought so, but it clearly wasn’t true. You had a piece of my heart, and I a piece of yours. You'd always have a place in my heart no matter what, and as selfish as it is, I still hoped that I did in yours too. _ __  
__  
_ I knew I broke you when I left you, but no matter what, I still hoped everyday that small things would remind you of me just like it did for me. _ __  
  


 

**_don’t think i would just forget about it, hoping that you won't forget_ **

 

_ We made too many memories with each other, and even if I wanted to, I knew I wouldn’t forget them. Sure, we had some bad memories, but the good overrode the bad. There were so many memorable ones, like meeting you for the first time, our first date, moving into the dorms together and our first holiday as a group.  _

_ We promised to continue making memories with each other until we were old but I guess promises were meant to be broken. _ __  
  


 

**_i live through pictures as if i was right there by your side_ **

 

_ The only way I could keep up with what you were doing now was through your Twitter or Instagram updates, you were having fun with your friends, or rather our friends. After our breakup I never met any of the mutual friends we had other than Chan hyung, Minho hyung and Jisung, in fear that I would have to face you.  _

_ Was I jealous you were having fun without me? I was. But I had brought this onto myself and I knew I had no right to be jealous of anything you were doing, because we were over. I could just stop looking at your updates and stop hurting myself, but I didn’t want to. I still wanted to know how you were doing. Ironic since I was the one that broke up with you and said I wanted nothing to do with you ever again. _

 

**_but you'll be good without me_ **

 

_ The exact words I told you when I broke up with you while you were crying, begging me not to breakup with you, saying we could try and make it work. I was heartless at that time, I know. But I thought I would be fine without you, and you without me, I thought it was the best for us, best for you. But now you were fine, and I wasn't. And if I was being honest, I never was. Guilt ate away at me every single day since I broke up with you.  _

_ I should’ve just listened to you and tried to make it work, but I was blinded by anger, and when I finally realized what I’d done and that I was in the wrong, it was too late to turn back and change things. All I could do was hope that you’d forgive me in the future.  _

 

**_and if i could just give it some time_ ** _ ,  _ **_i'll be alright_ ** **_  
_ **

__  
_ It would take years for my heart to heal but hopefully one day I'll be fine and move on from you, just like how you were moving on from me. I knew that it took you time for your heart to heal, and that you went through a hard time but it took you quicker than expected, and you took the breakup better than I did. _ __  
__  
_ Way better. _ __  


__  
**_goodbye love you flew right by love_ ** **__  
**

__  
_ I shouldn't have let you go ever, I knew I was still in love with you, it took me too long to realize it and now I lost you for good and I couldn't get you back. _ __  
__  
_ You slipped out of my hold and I regret ever letting it happen. I should've held on to you tightly and not let you go by myself, pushing you away when you were still trying for us. _ __  


__  
**_pictures I'm living through for now, trying to remember all the good times_ ** __  


__  
_ The only trace of you I was left with was the things kept in my memories or in the thousands pictures we had. Every time I saw a picture of you, of us, it broke my heart again. It broke my heart every time but yet I could still recall the story behind every picture clearly, as if it happened yesterday. Every single one was etched in my memory as if it was carved into stone. _ __  
__  
_ It could never be erased from my memory, and though it hurt, I never wanted it to be erased from my memory. _ __  


__  
**_our life was cutting through so loud, memories are playing in my dull mind_ ** __  


__  
_ No matter what we tried to do to spend time with each other, we couldn't. If we managed to even squeeze time in our schedules to meet each other for lunch it was a miracle, it didn’t even feel like we were together anymore. And I had used that as an excuse for breaking up with you, and I hated myself for that because I knew how hard you were trying to make time for us and for me. _ __  
__  
_ Small things I saw reminded me of you, and small stories and memories came back to me everytime it happened. I could only look at it and hold back my tears, I shouldn't have let you go. It was the biggest mistake I made in my life. Everything I saw was now black and white, dull, the only time anything was in colour was if it was a bittersweet memory of you. I couldn't keep my mind off from you, and it hurt me everyday. _ __  
__  
_ 10 years was a long time for us, considering that we had started dating at 8. We thought that because of how strong our love was for each other, we would never leave each other. I still missed you everyday, and it was difficult to find anything that made me happy anymore.  _ _  
_ __ After leaving you, I realized that even though we could only see each other once in a blue moon, it was still a time I could look forward to, finally being able to spend time with the one I loved. I shouldn't have let my stress and anger come between us. But I did, and I regretted it every single second. 

 

**_don't think i would just forget about it, hoping that you won't forget_ ** _  
_

_  
_ _ We may have broken up but I hoped you wouldn't forget our memories together, I hoped that, at least in your memory, what we had would be something good that you could look back to and smile. I hoped that when you thought of me, you would be happy and not sad anymore, whether it would take years, I knew we would both be fine one day and I could only hope we could try to mend the friendship we used to have. _

  
  


I finished the song and removed the headphones, not realizing that I had started crying until I felt Chan hyung wiping my tears away and pulling me into his embrace, “I know it hurts now Seungmin, but you brought this onto yourself. But like the song said, it'll be fine one day, you’ll be fine soon, I know it.”

 

Another pair of hands were placed on my back and I could feel Jisung side-hugging me, “We know it. You'll be alright one day Seungmin, it may take time but you’ll be fine.” I looked up at the caring faces of Chan hyung, Minho hyung and Jisung and started crying even harder. I would be fine one day. But I hoped that I would never forget you, even if you still brought back sad memories, I would never want to forget you, I still love you Hwang Hyunjin, and I always will.    
  


**Author's Note:**

> THIS REALLY SUCKS BUT hi hope u liked it,, its the first time ive tried writing in this style?? so?? sorry if it sucked ajhdbfah this will probably be the only time im writing like this 
> 
> do leave kudos and comments so i can improve!!
> 
> hmu on [twitter](https://twitter.com/ftkimseungmin) ♡


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